feel like hiding

October 13, 2009Capricorn (12/22-1/19)It's time to signal a cease-fire between you a close friend or significant other. Can't you find a way to settle your differences? Even agreeing that you'll never come to an agreement on the topic or situation at hand is progress. While it may be difficult at first, speaking honestly to one another and putting aside any impulse to wound or hurt is the only thing that can help heal this rift. Otherwise it may worsen, and that would be a shame.

Todays discussion is rather personal. Sentence by sentence....

If its time to indeed cease-fire how come I have to be the one to initiate it? I doubt that my close friend or significant other got an exact horoscope telling them the same thing I've been told. And I still cant figure out whether or not its a close friend or a significant other. Im single, but I'm still in love, are significant others just bf/gf, husbands/wives, or actually someone you still have an intimate but not official relationship with? After I figure this out I'll know what to do with this horoscope.
Now can we find a way to settle our differences? I do not know, if it's a friend Im sure, because they're kind of like me and I cant stay mad at a single person for too long. If its this person that I still can't completely get over....this is a pointless game. She wont try, and will be less understanding an more of an asshole than necessary, so I dont even want to come at her with this conversation.
If it was as easy as this horoscope makes it seem, I doubt my ex and I's relationtionship would be where it is now. She is so difficult to talk to that I feel like blowing my brains out rather than trying to express myself to her. She wont be up to it I can gaurantee. And that in turn will either crush my feelings some more, or piss me off. Either way I feel like its a emotional turn I really dont want to make.
I assume this would be directed towards a friend, cause my ex doesnt purposely try to wound me, she doesnt purposely try not to. And there is infact a difference. If this is infact a conversation I need to have with a friend, then it wont be hard because, if I miss them I know they are missing me. Me and my friends arent that different....lol. Its still a matter of figuring out who I have this so-called beef with.
I definitely dont want the situation to worsen, thats a shame. I hate being uncomfortable with people, and I hate being afraid to talk to them. So anything I need to do to ammend a broken relationship, at this point I am more than willing.

If you couldnt tell by now, today I am more gloomy than my usual self. I am almost completely depressed, and the fact that its raining is not helping. This horoscope just opened up more thoughts of sadness, than I needed. I am somewhat depressed because I am going through my up and down right now. I am missing her like crazy, because I havent heard her voice in so long. But I know that me not talking to her is a big step in getting over her. But right now, I dont even know if getting over her is what I want to do.....

Today Im sad, confused, scared, and blind....

"I like to walk into walls..."

A HOORAYscope!

Read my horoscope today, and no bad thoughts about this one...yet! Gonna see what happens at the end of this writing. Gonna break up every line, why? Cause I really liked this horoscope. Promise tomorrow I'll be deeper, probably bring in a quote that touches and then I'll tell you what it means to me, the world, blah blah.

(1)Your routine -- something you're ordinarily quite attached to -- will be most definitely disrupted now, but only because of surprise errands or short trips you'll find extremely pleasant. (2)This means that the trouble you dealt with recently will be all but a distant memory by the time your head hits the pillow tonight. (3)In the meantime, don't give it a second thought.(4) Think about what a lovely day you're having -- and about the fact that tomorrow's agenda could present an equally delightful instant replay.

1- My routine? Haha wow haven't considered that I've had a routine, based on what that damned ex of mine had me going through.(funny i said what she had me going through like I was forced). Anyway, I got a routine! Something to do rather than sit up and gain weight, ugh bluh. Yeah, so it's so true that I like doing what I am used to and anything different makes me question it and myself. When I read that it would be disrupted...honestly? I stopped cause I got scared, like "oh my god wtf do I gotta go through now?" But despite my fear I read on, by errands? Short trips? OOOOOH where am I going? lol, what do I have to do? I'm so on some new shit it's taking up my life. I wanna do everything, why not you only live once right? I'm so over sitting in the house talking about the shit I wanna do, I'M DOING IT! The only thing I have planned right now is a club date. Well it's far from a date, well keep up with me now...my sisters' friends' little sister invited my sister and I to the club tonight. She made sure that she repeated this invitation all three times she seen my sister. Oh did I mention the girl is a stud. A cutie at that, I mean sexy! Lol. Yeah, so you probably think she just hella want my sister to come but boo, no she was only brought into the picture because her sister and my sister wanted us to meet. SO HA!!!! Whatever you think I'm looking forward to lusting and gushing (yes gushing) over her tonight. No I'm not gonna approach I still don't have enough balls for that, but I will do my best to make her approach me. Ok so anyway back to the horoscope....

2 Here is the scary shit...all the troubles I dealt with will be all BUT!!! a distant memory. What could this mean? All I can think of is I might talk to or see that heart breaker. Which means the high that I am on right now will certainly be disrupted, and in the most terrible way. And until I go to sleep tonight? When that bitch is on my mind I cant even sleep, so how is this even possible? Its; gonna be one of those nights, gonna be calling everyone possible to keep her off my mind. It rarely works but I'm gonna try anything right about now! A drink? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes!

3 Now this don't give it a second thought? Oops, already fucked that one up but writing this blog didn't I? Man man, oh well might as well keep second third fourth and fifth thinking this shit!

4 So I should keep thinking about the good day I'm having so far, despite the fact that I know I am gonna be upset later? Wtf??? I'm gonna try but doesn't this sound like it was supposed to mess up my day? Well, ha jokes on you I'm gonna pull a final destination move and try to avoid fate! I'm not going nowhere! BUT TO THE CLUB TO SEE MY IMAGINED LOVER! Am I rambling too much on this? Feels like I am....must be the good ass mood I'm in for no apparent reason.

OK well I'm done writing for now....maybe tomorrow maybe next week?! smooches!

"I'm not single I'm not somebodies ex, tired of being HER ex"

I so dont care...

So a friend of mine sent me a few links to a few stories in the news. All good stories but one caught my eye. This one about a man who was released from jail to go and see a baseball game. Look:

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Jailed-fan-gets-conjugal-visit-with-Red-Sox-in-K?urn=mlb,191789

Well I read through and basically a man was supposed to serve "2 concurrent 10-day jail sentences for violation of a protective order on another man". But, in the middle of his time, the judge granted this die hard red sox fan to attend a baseball game with his brother and his dad.

So the blogger is going off because she feels this is a huge WRONG by the justice system. All the commenters on her blog are complaining that people should have to do the time they are alloted and blah blah blah. Ok, right I agree. But wtf this man was only doing twenty days. For breaking a restraining order against another grown ass man. I have to say that my concern is not that he was released FOR A FUCKING FEW HOUR, but that people actually care. I could see if a serial killer was released, or a pedofile was allowed to attend a school fair, but really? He went to a fucking game, and from what I read the nigga came back.

So what is the big problem, maybe I'm one of the assholes she obviously has a problem with, because to me he wasn't gonna be in there long anyway, and wtf he doesn't look like much of a flight risk if you ask me (go look at his picture on the link). She is complaining about how he should do his time, no exceptions. I think she is the type of person who would break down in tears in the security room at macy's if they caught her stealing something. Some exceptions are ok, get a job, a life, and a hobby other than blogging this is my thing. lol.This blogger seemed to be just like I can be sometime, just like I am being right now. I needed something to talk about so I picked a dumb topic and commented on it. She wasted my time, just like I am wasting yours.

But I would say mine is much better than hers. MarynMalayMonique-Ah thanks for the site, I got a good laugh. Oh and if only you could have seen my face as I was reading this dumb shit...lol!

"i'm not single, i'm somebodys' ex"

mike vick...eat a dick!

You read the title? So, then I can assume that you know how I feel about him right? Good! Well now that I know that the people reading this aren't complete morons I can continue with my rant...

I could care less if he is able to play in the NFL. He don't play for the Oakland Raiders so his "career" is of no concern of mine. When his "little" scandal was the talk of the town I lost alot of good friends. I guess you learn who your real friends are, when people you dont know fuck up huh?

Anyway, the ones I lost said I was taking it too personal, that they are just animals. WTF WTF WTF?! So sorry that living creatures with ALL yes ALL of the same organs that we have dont have the same value on life as we do. Guess we can tell who were slave owners in their past lives huh?

Oh yeah I compare insensitive animal abusers to slave owners. Listen to their feelings towards animals, dont it sound like a white man talking bout blacks? Sure they look different, cant speak how we do, have there own way of life that we dont understand, and if treated unfairly either attack or crumble under pressure. Sound like something we've heard before right? Take your time next time you talk to someone who feels beating a dog is ok. Ask them why. Bet you'll agree with me. Now I am not some P.E.T.A. activist, who doesnt eat meat because yes I do.

Basically all I have to say about vick and others like him, FUCK YOU! Get a fucking life, a new hobby I mean seriously. With all the money you have, the good you can do for the fucking world, you choose to fucking kill dogs? Seem a little bitch like to me. Wanna fuck with something that cant fuck with you back on your level? Punk ass. Toss this nigga in the ring with some UFC fighters. A little bully beatdown. MTv, bet you'll get hella viewers. This is not a testament saying Imma whoop his ass or, that I can, I am a female that'd just be stupid.

But if someone tied his ass to a chair and gave me a mask, OH HUNNTEY YES! I would let his ass have it. Honestly, I think I'd beat him to death. I'm just being honest. The truth shall set you free. Lol.

Ok yeah I kind of went off the whole reason why I wanted to write this blog. Ok so they say that when Vick returned to the NFL it didnt go how some had planned. No protesters, no death threats. Honestly though, us animal rights people just give a fuck about the animals. Unless it involves him running with his dog leashed to his pants up and down the field, we really dont care what he does in the NFL. I just hope that he is really fucking sorry, and that in his after life he has to completely reap what he did. Paying some punk ass fine, doing a little jail time, not being able to own a dog for a few years really is shit when you think about it.

Maybe put him in a pin, with the same amount of dogs he killed (only let thime be like bears or something he cant easily win against) and lets let them have at him. Put a child relative of his in the pin with an adult wolf, and see if that seems fair. Hope he comes back reincarnated as one of the dogs he killed. Hey wouldnt that be nice?

"extactlee"

shitty ass cops....seriously?

Deputies shoot and kill car-theft suspect:
A suspected car thief was shot and killed by Contra Costa County sheriff's deputies in Bay Point after he tried to ram them, the second fatal incident involving deputies within a week, authorities said today.
The man, a wanted parolee whose name wasn't immediately released, was shot near Surf View Drive and Marina Road at about 9:45 p.m. Wednesday, said Jimmy Lee, sheriff's spokesman.
Two deputies went to the unincorporated area to investigate what turned out to be a Honda that had been reported stolen on Tuesday. When they approached, the driver tried to ram them, Lee said. Both deputies, fearing for their lives, fired their guns, killing the man. A passenger in the car was uninjured.
One of the deputies was treated for a leg injury and was released.
The deputies have been placed on paid administrative leave pending investigations by the sheriff's office and prosecutors.
In a separate incident Thursday, a sheriff's deputy shot and killed a restaurant manager near Martinez who had duct-taped a knife to his wrist, Lee said. Roger McComb, 46, a manager at the restaurant Esin on Camino Ramon in Danville, had cut himself on the arm and left a suicide note before walking toward two deputies, Lee said.

video: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/09/24/BAOI19S26C.DTL&feed=rss.bayarea



And now for my response...WTF!!!!! All i really have to say is, are you fucking kidding me. I live bout a half a second a way from bay point, and it is BORING as hell out here, definitely aint one of the more "dangerous" areas like oakland or richmond, so tell me how the hell shit like this happens twice?



Cause its boring out here. If I'm bored I'm sure the cops are bored, and the smallest bit of action they get I guarantee you they gonna be all over it. Starting with this shooting of the theft suspect. I love how the spokesperson tries to make you feel that in some way the cops are the victims.

"the driver tried to ram them, Lee said. Both deputies, fearing for their lives, fired their guns, killing the man"

A car theft suspect, not a murder suspect, not an escaped con, A FUCKING CAR THEIF! IN A FUCKING HONDA! STOLEN THE DAY BEFORE! Wtf are you serious have you seen a honda compared to a fucking cop car? seriously?



dont cop cars have that damn bumper rammer thing on the front anyway? but you honestly want me to believe that these two trained professionals feared for there life? either they lying or the precinct is slacking in the hiring and training of these individuals. wtf you scared for nigga? you are more equipped to handle a situation like this then he is!



and then if they were walking nigga instead of trying to avoid getting hit, im gonna stand infront of the vehicle and open fire? i thought it was protect and serve blah blah blah...the last resort should be killing. immobilizing yes, taking down ok, but shooting through the window obviously? we couldnt take out a tire i mean damn...now this mans family suffers cause these cops weren't satisfies with the city they work in.



HELL PUT THESE NIGGAS AND THE NIGGA THAT KILLED OSCAR GRANT ON THE FUCKING BORDER! Not saying I want them to kill mexicans or any other immigrant coming illegaly, just saying they'd think twice before doing it.



second, the we gonna kill a man with a knife taped to his arm? kill him? really? dont ya'll niggas got guns? again is this really the force that needed to be used? honda - cop car, knife - gun, mase, tazer, night stick, physical training? not trying to be an ass just saying. and to find out he had a suicide note!!!!! he wanted to die so instead of negotiating, taking him down like you are supposed to, you kill him. i guess this one aint that bad cause atleast the guy got what he wanted right? wtf ever how bout we take the guards down off the bridge and everyone who wants to jump, we just line em up and let all the convicted serial killers have at em!



im done so pissed, so bored, goodbye....



"i'm not single, i'm somebodys' ex"

Lmao Rofl...

So while doing one of my runs through yahoo most popular news i came across a story that didnt make me mad like so many of the other responders it, infact, i burst out in a laugh in the computer center.

read bout it on this link: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/woman-arrested-for-spanking-a-two-year-old-not-hers-a-strangers-514030/

if you're too lazy to go read...its about people whoopin strangers kids. a man slapped a two year old in the face in walmart for cryin hella much! sorry but that shit is hillarious! being honest i know that if i would've seen it i would've fell out laughing. sure maybe later i would have felt terrible, thought the man was fucked up for doing it but really....lets all be real two year olds are hella fucking annoying at times. we all know that even after the situation they like to drag tears and whines and hella shit on, no i have never whooped a child for crying or dragging it on but i have wanted to.

anyway so alot of people are saying it was fine for him to hit the baby cause the mother should have had better control, and the response to that is that people who feel this way are only saying it because they have no kids.

my feelings on the matter....there have been too many times where i have wanted to punch a child in the face for doing something unnecessary, but i never have. shit do what i do and redirect that anger to the parent. like little kids that dont watch where they are running and they smack into you or keep running into your walking path, i always say a smart ass comment to offend the parent.

because i think that a childs behavior whether intentional or not it is the direct result of the parents. beat em at home and maybe next time a stranger wont have to step in and discipline your bad ass child. lmao no no thats not nice, but really....bet that two year old wont do that shit next time! so in a way the parent should be happy that what she obviously couldnt accomplish on her own, has been taught to her child....and completely free.

yes i would be mad if it was my child but granted, before anyone has a chance to slap my two year he/she will have already been slapped and/or cussed out! beginnning at six months im starting basic training...

well im done for today gonna go run my mouth...

extactlee....maybe?

If work were a camping trip...WTF!?!

If work were a camping trip, you'd be in charge of the grill. Why? For one thing, everybody trusts you when it comes to handling fire. You can light it, you can keep it burning, you can make sure it doesn't get so big that is sets the paper plates and tablecloths on fire. Further, people trust you to distribute the hot dogs fairly, equitably and fully cooked. Yep, it's no wonder you're the office equivalent of the grill chef -- who else is as trustworthy as you?

Horoscope for today...what do i think? I must admit that when i first read it I was extremely flattered. People need me? Im counted on? Nigga I'm cooking the mutha fuckin food! Aww yeah that makes sense I been doing hella shit for my sister...who's watching me? I aint getting paid and barely anyone knows Im even the one behind all of it. God? Is that you? Lmao we never talk, well not unless Im hella scared and see a big ass dog or something. So I smiled and saved it to my inspirational thoughts book.
Then as usual my overthinking ass ruined it for myself. If work were a camping trip? I dont have a job, I am indeed unemployed...still getting money one way or another but still. Instead of making me feel even tempered, fair, and having great organizational skills and this is why people love me....i made it do the opposite. Now I am sitting here feeling like somewhat of a shit because, does this mean that i actually am not counted as much as i like to believe? that would explain alot lately... this shit is crazy kind of a cruel joke dont you think? By some divine power I havent checked my horoscope for hella long and to day I see this one. One that is so not straight to the point, atleast not for me.
As obsessive as i am over the LITERAL meaning of things, why do I do this shit to myself? As much as it irritates me that I can rarely take a compliment without questioning its truth and in fact taking it completely literal, I continuously walk into these little walls. Walls of personal conundrums. Lol. I like walking into walls makes sense when I say it now!
So as I sit here and write this now I begin to feel like maybe I should take it for what it is...but wtf is it? Does the meaning change depending on my employment status? Or is it much deeper than that is whatever Im doing important to those around me even when I feel like no one cares? This wont rack my mind all day Im so over stressing for more than an hour over one topic that wont grant me money. Lol!
Im on my way outta here...gonna go tend to the rest of my work day lol.