feel like hiding

October 13, 2009Capricorn (12/22-1/19)It's time to signal a cease-fire between you a close friend or significant other. Can't you find a way to settle your differences? Even agreeing that you'll never come to an agreement on the topic or situation at hand is progress. While it may be difficult at first, speaking honestly to one another and putting aside any impulse to wound or hurt is the only thing that can help heal this rift. Otherwise it may worsen, and that would be a shame.

Todays discussion is rather personal. Sentence by sentence....

If its time to indeed cease-fire how come I have to be the one to initiate it? I doubt that my close friend or significant other got an exact horoscope telling them the same thing I've been told. And I still cant figure out whether or not its a close friend or a significant other. Im single, but I'm still in love, are significant others just bf/gf, husbands/wives, or actually someone you still have an intimate but not official relationship with? After I figure this out I'll know what to do with this horoscope.
Now can we find a way to settle our differences? I do not know, if it's a friend Im sure, because they're kind of like me and I cant stay mad at a single person for too long. If its this person that I still can't completely get over....this is a pointless game. She wont try, and will be less understanding an more of an asshole than necessary, so I dont even want to come at her with this conversation.
If it was as easy as this horoscope makes it seem, I doubt my ex and I's relationtionship would be where it is now. She is so difficult to talk to that I feel like blowing my brains out rather than trying to express myself to her. She wont be up to it I can gaurantee. And that in turn will either crush my feelings some more, or piss me off. Either way I feel like its a emotional turn I really dont want to make.
I assume this would be directed towards a friend, cause my ex doesnt purposely try to wound me, she doesnt purposely try not to. And there is infact a difference. If this is infact a conversation I need to have with a friend, then it wont be hard because, if I miss them I know they are missing me. Me and my friends arent that different....lol. Its still a matter of figuring out who I have this so-called beef with.
I definitely dont want the situation to worsen, thats a shame. I hate being uncomfortable with people, and I hate being afraid to talk to them. So anything I need to do to ammend a broken relationship, at this point I am more than willing.

If you couldnt tell by now, today I am more gloomy than my usual self. I am almost completely depressed, and the fact that its raining is not helping. This horoscope just opened up more thoughts of sadness, than I needed. I am somewhat depressed because I am going through my up and down right now. I am missing her like crazy, because I havent heard her voice in so long. But I know that me not talking to her is a big step in getting over her. But right now, I dont even know if getting over her is what I want to do.....

Today Im sad, confused, scared, and blind....

"I like to walk into walls..."

A HOORAYscope!

Read my horoscope today, and no bad thoughts about this one...yet! Gonna see what happens at the end of this writing. Gonna break up every line, why? Cause I really liked this horoscope. Promise tomorrow I'll be deeper, probably bring in a quote that touches and then I'll tell you what it means to me, the world, blah blah.

(1)Your routine -- something you're ordinarily quite attached to -- will be most definitely disrupted now, but only because of surprise errands or short trips you'll find extremely pleasant. (2)This means that the trouble you dealt with recently will be all but a distant memory by the time your head hits the pillow tonight. (3)In the meantime, don't give it a second thought.(4) Think about what a lovely day you're having -- and about the fact that tomorrow's agenda could present an equally delightful instant replay.

1- My routine? Haha wow haven't considered that I've had a routine, based on what that damned ex of mine had me going through.(funny i said what she had me going through like I was forced). Anyway, I got a routine! Something to do rather than sit up and gain weight, ugh bluh. Yeah, so it's so true that I like doing what I am used to and anything different makes me question it and myself. When I read that it would be disrupted...honestly? I stopped cause I got scared, like "oh my god wtf do I gotta go through now?" But despite my fear I read on, by errands? Short trips? OOOOOH where am I going? lol, what do I have to do? I'm so on some new shit it's taking up my life. I wanna do everything, why not you only live once right? I'm so over sitting in the house talking about the shit I wanna do, I'M DOING IT! The only thing I have planned right now is a club date. Well it's far from a date, well keep up with me now...my sisters' friends' little sister invited my sister and I to the club tonight. She made sure that she repeated this invitation all three times she seen my sister. Oh did I mention the girl is a stud. A cutie at that, I mean sexy! Lol. Yeah, so you probably think she just hella want my sister to come but boo, no she was only brought into the picture because her sister and my sister wanted us to meet. SO HA!!!! Whatever you think I'm looking forward to lusting and gushing (yes gushing) over her tonight. No I'm not gonna approach I still don't have enough balls for that, but I will do my best to make her approach me. Ok so anyway back to the horoscope....

2 Here is the scary shit...all the troubles I dealt with will be all BUT!!! a distant memory. What could this mean? All I can think of is I might talk to or see that heart breaker. Which means the high that I am on right now will certainly be disrupted, and in the most terrible way. And until I go to sleep tonight? When that bitch is on my mind I cant even sleep, so how is this even possible? Its; gonna be one of those nights, gonna be calling everyone possible to keep her off my mind. It rarely works but I'm gonna try anything right about now! A drink? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yes!

3 Now this don't give it a second thought? Oops, already fucked that one up but writing this blog didn't I? Man man, oh well might as well keep second third fourth and fifth thinking this shit!

4 So I should keep thinking about the good day I'm having so far, despite the fact that I know I am gonna be upset later? Wtf??? I'm gonna try but doesn't this sound like it was supposed to mess up my day? Well, ha jokes on you I'm gonna pull a final destination move and try to avoid fate! I'm not going nowhere! BUT TO THE CLUB TO SEE MY IMAGINED LOVER! Am I rambling too much on this? Feels like I am....must be the good ass mood I'm in for no apparent reason.

OK well I'm done writing for now....maybe tomorrow maybe next week?! smooches!

"I'm not single I'm not somebodies ex, tired of being HER ex"

I so dont care...

So a friend of mine sent me a few links to a few stories in the news. All good stories but one caught my eye. This one about a man who was released from jail to go and see a baseball game. Look:

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Jailed-fan-gets-conjugal-visit-with-Red-Sox-in-K?urn=mlb,191789

Well I read through and basically a man was supposed to serve "2 concurrent 10-day jail sentences for violation of a protective order on another man". But, in the middle of his time, the judge granted this die hard red sox fan to attend a baseball game with his brother and his dad.

So the blogger is going off because she feels this is a huge WRONG by the justice system. All the commenters on her blog are complaining that people should have to do the time they are alloted and blah blah blah. Ok, right I agree. But wtf this man was only doing twenty days. For breaking a restraining order against another grown ass man. I have to say that my concern is not that he was released FOR A FUCKING FEW HOUR, but that people actually care. I could see if a serial killer was released, or a pedofile was allowed to attend a school fair, but really? He went to a fucking game, and from what I read the nigga came back.

So what is the big problem, maybe I'm one of the assholes she obviously has a problem with, because to me he wasn't gonna be in there long anyway, and wtf he doesn't look like much of a flight risk if you ask me (go look at his picture on the link). She is complaining about how he should do his time, no exceptions. I think she is the type of person who would break down in tears in the security room at macy's if they caught her stealing something. Some exceptions are ok, get a job, a life, and a hobby other than blogging this is my thing. lol.This blogger seemed to be just like I can be sometime, just like I am being right now. I needed something to talk about so I picked a dumb topic and commented on it. She wasted my time, just like I am wasting yours.

But I would say mine is much better than hers. MarynMalayMonique-Ah thanks for the site, I got a good laugh. Oh and if only you could have seen my face as I was reading this dumb shit...lol!

"i'm not single, i'm somebodys' ex"